"Put down humor is fine and fun in an atmosphere of strong camaraderie and familiarity. Fraternity brothers engage in it, good friends can get away with it and coworkers who toil side by side every day can find some levity with it. The problems take place in a situation where someone is sensitive or unfamiliar with the dynamic of how others, either in a group or singly, relate. At that point everyone is alerted to how this form of humor can hurt feelings and chip away at self-esteem." Jean Sidden

My Dad’s family – with which I interacted a great deal as I matured – were masters at put down humor and my Dad was the guru.  When my Dad and his brothers congregated it was a battle of zingers and one-liners.  I watched from the side lines, admired my Dad’s skill, and was enthralled.  He clearly loved his brothers.   

My wife’s family did not use this form of interaction.  Early in our relationship, this difference in interaction led to some misunderstandings to say the least.  I learned as a child that put down humor was only used with your loved ones and closest friends.  It was not to be taken literally, but was used to show quick wit, love and caring.  You never used it with strangers.  So at the appropriate point (in my opinion) in our relationship I started using my astronomical wit to make a zinger to show my wife-to-be that we were no longer strangers and there was an emotional attachment (on my side, at least).  She didn’t have the same interpretation as I did at times – and, in fact, was often offended by my overtures.  Plus she never zinged me back.

When she and her family got together the interaction was almost sickenly polite and deferential.  Didn’t they like each other?  

If you can’t insult your sibling who can you insult?

© 2014 Lester C. Welch